Understanding Trauma - Trauma as a child

Part III of Understanding Trauma: The lasting impact of Childhood Trauma - Understanding how early experiences shape who we are

As I focused the previous two blogs on Understanding Trauma in general, and PTSD, I wanted to bring some awareness to trauma in children, and experiencing trauma as a child.

Childhood trauma can shape who we become, often leaving deep emotional scars that affect our relationships, self-esteem, and overall sense of well-being. Whether it’s from abuse, neglect, loss, or other distressing experiences, the impact can linger long into adulthood.

However, understanding the roots of this trauma is the first step toward healing. In this post, we will explore how childhood trauma manifests and the lasting effects it can have.

Before we dive into this post, I want to acknowledge that some of the material may be emotionally intense or triggering, especially for those who have experienced or witnessed trauma in the past. If, at any point, you begin to feel overwhelmed, please consider taking a moment to pause and ground yourself. Please honor what you need as you read through this material, and know that it’s okay to stop or return to it later.

An unshattered world

Babies enter the world as pure and unharmed beings. All the worries and sorrows of the world are far away from them, and their sole instinct by nature is to sleep, eat, grow, and survive. Their little brains are focused on these tasks only. I think we all know how their needs are expressed: sleepless nights, crying, diaper changes, colic, infections, or undetermined other issues. The baby makes it clear that something needs to happen to fulfill its needs.

In doing so, they depend heavily on the caregivers around them, whether parents, grandparents, a nanny, siblings, or strangers. The baby does not care who is doing what or who is in charge, as long as its needs are met. The wrong order might be provided, diaper changes before feeding, or adding a blanket while it is actually hot - leading to more cries. However, overall, they are as happy as they can be when all needs are addressed, until the next round starts.

They learn along the way about good things and bad things, what foods to like and dislike, how to speak and walk, smile, play, and so on. The brain is somehow in overdrive every moment of the day, forming over 1 million new neural connections per second.

By the age of 3, a child’s brain reaches about 80% of its adult size, nearly 90% by the age of 5, and by the age of 7, the brain has mostly determined who they will become and what they will believe in.

In shaping these new neural connections, the child heavily depends on their surroundings. Since the brain is developing, they mimic and mirror what they see in others. We can all relate to smiling at a baby or toddler and getting a heartwarming smile back, or frowning at them with the same result. These are just a few examples of many.

In the first 12 months of life, the baby also begins to develop emotions. They start simple, as pleasure and displeasure (feeding vs wet diaper, for example) in the first few months, followed by recognizing different facial expressions as just discussed. Then, they develop a fear of strangers, separation anxiety, learning to play simple games, and starting to form words.

During this time, the baby heavily depends on caregivers, who are usually, but not necessarily, the parents. They cannot survive without the help of these caregivers. They cannot feed or care for themselves, so their entire being is focused on pure survival, which the caregiver(s) are responsible for.

As the baby grows older, it learns more and more about how his or her behavior influences the behavior of the caregivers. It may notice that too much crying, for example, makes someone angry, frustrated, or upset, leading to a delay in the care the toddler is requesting. A ‘timeout’ or some other measure might be put in place by the caregiver as a disciplinary action. Most likely, the task at hand will be completed after such actions.

During all of this, which may only take a minute or two, the child’s pure survival instinct is challenged. It has a need and does not get it; all it receives is punishment.

As mentioned, young children cannot survive without the caregiver(s), so they believe their survival is at stake, which may lead to another outburst based on the threat level they experience. This is the reality of the child by nature. The caregiver(s) should not only supply the child with what they requested but also show love and affection to provide reassurance after a punishment took place.

If this cycle repeats itself over and over without the aspects of love and affection, the child may adapt to suppressing his or her emotions to please the caregiver. This suppression of emotions in a particular situation may manifest into adulthood since it is a learned and adapted approach to dealing with certain situations, and also an attempt to receive the so craved love and affection.

Think about how you would feel if you were not allowed to do a completely natural thing such as being sad, crying, or even laughing or smiling in a certain situation, just to be able to get the care you need. It would likely make you angry, upset, or anxious. Many of these emotions manifest in adults as they were never processed and handled the way they should have been.

Most parents and caregivers naturally do the right thing, showing love and affection toward their children, and kids grow up in a protected and well-adjusted way. But what if that is not the case?

Differences in Trauma as a Child and Trauma as an Adult

As explained in my previous blogs about Understanding Trauma and PTSD, the adult reaction to a traumatizing event is a shattered, incoherent, frightening memory that lacks logic and time. It leaves an imprint in the brain and body since the brain lacks the capacity to process the event as it occurred. (Please note that this is very condensed since I want to focus on children in this blog. Please refer to the previous blogs to learn more about trauma in general.)

What is important to understand is that the adult had a previous life, a different reference point, meaning the brain was working in its usual and normal functionality before the traumatic event occurred. The event overwrote a lot of it; nevertheless, there was a previous ‘baseline.’

When it comes to traumatized children, this ‘baseline’ most likely does not exist. An adult has a certain view of the world they live in, can distinguish between right and wrong, good and bad, likes and dislikes, friend or foe, and take the necessary and appropriate steps toward a desired goal, outcome, or way of living if unpleasantness is experienced. The adult acknowledges, understands, and takes action based on life experience.

Children, on the other hand, that grow up in neglect or abuse - in the form of verbal, emotional, physical, and/or sexual - or witness trauma around them, make this their reality. It becomes their life, and these young human beings believe that this is how life goes on.

They are not to blame. Their brains develop and form their feelings, emotions, and behaviors based on their traumatic surroundings. Even if they constantly observe, hear, and/or feel that a loved one (for example, a caregiver or sibling), is enduring abuse, they go through the same development as if it were happening to them directly.

The life of trauma becomes their ‘baseline,’ including all associated feelings and emotions such as fear, terror, anxiety, hunger, and pain, just to name a few. Their little bodies adapt to this on a physical and biological level as well due to the constant release of massive amounts of stress hormones, inconsistent sleeping patterns, issues with arousal control, and most importantly, an overall lack of safety.

As mentioned previously, babies, toddlers, and young children solely rely on their caregiver for pure survival since they are not able to maintain a life on their own. If this caregiver is the one causing the trauma, their internal world of safety and trust is shattered, which leads to such a dilemma: they still want to feel safety and love, and yet the person who is in charge of providing it is causing such pain. Nevertheless, the children are not able to differentiate, so they will always go back to the abuser, searching for love and attention, regardless of the consequences. It is the world they are living in, and it is the only world they know, and they develop accordingly, with their brains wired the way they experience life in and around them.

At this point, you may wonder why these children are not saying anything about their circumstances when they grow older and simply ask for help. I contemplated for a long time if I should incorporate my own experiences into this blog since I am one of these children. I decided to do so simply because it underlines the state of mind these children are in, and speaking from an I-perspective in the following few sentences hopefully illustrates the severity of childhood trauma. I did not say anything for years because I was not aware that there was anything to say. Having breakfast with toast, coffee, cacao, and a bottle of vodka on the table at 6 am was as normal for me as watching my parents go after one another. It was also normal for me that my father came after me in multiple ways after things progressed further downhill, and when my mother was not around. These are just a few of many things. It was the life I was living, and little did I know or even consider that other families were doing things quite differently. Once the awareness was there, I was driven by shame and disgust.

Later in life, I was blamed for my silence. I was told it was entirely my fault that no one came to help. ‘You should have said something’ is a sentence I heard frequently after my whole world fell apart. That is only one of the reasons I started this blog series. Trauma is complicated, and I want to bring awareness and a better understanding to the public.

Signs and misdiagnoses

Even if these children do not verbally say anything, they still speak without words. Physical marks might be one indication, and overall behavior is another. Traumatized children are usually not very social, as other adults or even children might be seen as a threat. Reactions such as outcries, distance, sweating, or irrational behavior towards certain adults, extreme risk-taking or self-harm, isolation, wetting the bed, or sexual advances at an inappropriate age, and extreme tantrums might be just a few of these unspoken words. The list is long.

Unfortunately, this list of prolonged behaviors often leads to misdiagnosis. If the abuse or trauma is not obvious to the outside world - which is often the case, if everything seems ‘normal’, if the observer lacks the training and awareness, doctors, teachers, school nurses, therapists, friends, and other family members may not see the real issue. As a result, diagnoses like ADHD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Autism, Disruptive Behavior Disorder, Borderline Personality, and others are commonly given. However, the underlying cause of these symptoms may be childhood trauma.

In 2009, an initiative was launched to introduce a diagnostic model that would address underlying conditions and proposed adding this disorder to the DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The DSM serves as the reference manual for mental disorders and corresponding treatments. If a disorder isn’t listed in the DSM, public funding for research, treatment options, and educational support cannot be provided, or is very limited.

The proposed disorder was called Developmental Trauma Disorder.

Led by experts in psychology, psychiatry, pediatrics, and research, this initiative arose from the need to evaluate children as children, and not as little adults.

Applying a PTSD diagnosis to a child, simply because ‘it sounds about right’, or cherry-picking symptoms out of other disorders to have this ‘make sense’, out of a convenience or lack of knowledge often fails to address the root causes of their symptoms, or may even result in an overall incorrect diagnosis.

Decades of research, studies, and practical experience culminated in the creation of this new model to properly address childhood trauma. It also aimed to provide the right care, treatment, and education for teachers, doctors, childcare providers, and other key professionals.

Unfortunately, the American Psychiatric Association, which is in charge of the DSM, rejected the proposal and does not recognize the disorder. The reasons for the rejection were based on, and I quote, ‘a lack of clear evidence demonstrating that trauma directly causes developmental disruptions.’

To put this in perspective, three million children are diagnosed with mental health issues in America annually. Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 24.

To deny the profound impact of trauma on a child's development, despite overwhelming evidence from countless studies and lived experiences, is to turn a blind eye to reality. It's a disservice not only to the scientific community but also to the millions of children who desperately need their struggles to be acknowledged and addressed.

Final thoughts

Trauma experienced during childhood doesn’t just stay in the past; it has a way of shaping how we view ourselves and interact with the world as adults. These early experiences can deeply influence our emotional responses, relationships, and even our physical health over time. Without proper acknowledgment and healing, the unresolved pain of childhood can manifest in adulthood as anxiety, depression, difficulty trusting others, or even self-sabotaging behaviors.

It's essential to understand that the brain and body adapt to survive trauma, but these adaptations can linger long after the danger has passed, creating patterns that no longer serve us. The good news is that with the right support, it is possible to break free from these cycles and rewrite the narrative of our lives. Recognizing the roots of our struggles is the first step toward healing and reclaiming the peace and fulfillment we deserve

I hope this blog has provided you with a clearer understanding of how trauma impacts children.

If this topic resonates with you, or if you have questions or concerns about the effects of trauma, please know that you’re not alone. I’m here to help guide you through this complex subject. Whether you’re seeking additional resources, support, or simply someone to listen to, don’t hesitate to reach out. Together, we can work toward understanding, healing, and hope.

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Truly yours,

Angela